Dick by Law by Robert T. Jeschonek

Author:Robert T. Jeschonek [Jeschonek, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Tsetse Press
Published: 2012-05-18T18:37:56+00:00

*****

Chapter 30

As the baseball bat hit the living room wall beside the closed front door, Simon ducked to one side and threw up his arms to protect himself. In the first split-second of shock, he wondered who was coming for him now, who was trying to kill him.

In the next split-second, he saw who was swinging the bat.

"Chip!" Simon put up his hands. "It's me! Hey, Chip!"

"Shit!" Chip had just pulled back the bat for a second swing...and he relaxed, letting it fall at his side. "Simon! Thank God I missed!"

Suddenly, someone outside the house tugged open the front door, and the noise from Dickfest surged into the room. Simon shot out a hand and grabbed the knob, fighting for control with whoever was on the other side. After a moment's struggle, he finally wrenched the door shut again. As soon as it closed, Simon locked it tight, then turned and blew out his breath.

"So, Chip," he said. "Ever have one of those days?"

Chip clawed at his green-tipped hair. He looked pretty bedraggled. "Now might be a good time for that raise I've been after."

"Now might also be a good time for you to tell me where the fuck the cops are! Surely, you've already called them about this!" He hiked a thumb at the madness on the other side of the front door.

Chip stepped back, looking hurt. "Of course we did! Hours ago! But guess what? Apparently, there are some real dicks in the police department."

"They said they're not coming?" said Simon.

"Actually, they promised they were." Chip gestured at the window. "I think they're out there with the other dicks."

"Shit." Simon closed his eyes. "Where's everyone else?"

"Josie and Ishi are in the kitchen," said Chip. "Ankha's gone."

"She went home?"

"For good." Chip tugged at the collar of his black bowling shirt with the red flames along the bottom half. "She quit."

Simon gaped in disbelief. "Ankha quit? Since when?"

"Since two hours into the Festivus of Dicks out there," said Chip. "She said something about getting away from the craziness. Her resignation's on the coffee table."

"Oh, man." Simon held his head in his hands and stumbled toward the recliner. "I need to sit down."

"I hear ya', Sime." Chip leaned the baseball bat against the wall and threw himself down on the sofa. "Maybe you should've stayed out of town for another day, huh?"

Simon grabbed Ankha's resignation from the coffee table and slumped into the recliner to read it. "Geez, Ankha. A little advance warning would've been nice."

"Somebody painted the word 'pussy' all over her car," said Chip. "And they gave her so much shit on her way in this morning. They gave all of us shit."

"I'll call her." Simon tossed the letter on the table. "She'll come back."

"Is Ishi leaving too, Boss?" said Chip. "She mentioned something about going to Japan."

"She what?"

"Whoops." Chip stiffened. "I figured you knew."

Without another word, Simon launched himself out of the chair. As he headed for the kitchen, he felt like everything was falling apart, like the ground itself could open up and swallow him whole at any moment.

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